


There is bravery in being soft

by etherealelysian



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Erwin has trouble eating, Fluff and Angst, Good Friend Hange Zoë, Levi & Erwin Smith Are Best Friends, Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith Friendship, M/M, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Not Beta Read, Oneshot, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29672517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealelysian/pseuds/etherealelysian
Summary: As Levi stirs asleep one night, he finds himself caught in a dream of the last interaction him and Eren had before Eren left for Marley. As Levi discuses with Eren about his “relationship” with Erwin, and his struggling with grasping vulnerability, the ache he feels about missing Eren becomes even more prevalent. Luckily he is reminded by Hange that you have support in every corner.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman & Hange Zoë, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	There is bravery in being soft

Levi stirred in his sleep. His milky white covers laying on top of him without a single crease as he feels his consciousness slipping from him.

He is with Eren suddenly. Eren and himself are in the dark hours of the night accompanied by a small lantern in the middle of the table.

Levi remembered this day. It was a month before Eren left for Marley. No one, including him, saw Eren leaving coming. He thought he knew Eren, almost better than anyone else, but when Eren left suddenly and without warning, he was left wondering if he ever truly knew Eren at all. 

Levi is watching himself and Eren almost like he is watching a play on reenactment of that night. As Levi focused into his dream, all that could be heard was the sound of his own pen against parchment and Eren’s deep breathing.

“You’re breathing like you need to take a massive shit, what’s wrong?” 

Eren looked at Levi for a moment before deciding to speak once and for all.

“Did you love Erwin?” Eren asked sincerely. He sat sitting across from Levi at the wooden table surrounded by paperwork.

Levi remembered just how this question made him feel. He knew people talked about him and Erwin. He knew what people said they thought went down behind closed doors, but those were just rumors, nothing more than just a talk of the squad.

Levi looked up from the document he was signing and looked at Eren. Eren felt like he was staring straight through him, directly into his very soul.

“Yes, but I don’t think love is just romantic if that is what you’re implying?”

Eren nodded, holding a breath, too scared to make any noise.

“Erwin had a way of making every person feel truly special. I know not only myself but also Hange and the many people who have died for our cause can contest to that. I trusted him and he trusted me. Trust means everything in this world and you should know that of all people. Erwin was and is, the first person to see me for me. He did not see me as some snot nosed teenage brat in the underground, stealing and killing to get by, he saw me as who I truly am, and more importantly, he accepted it. He accepted my mind set, my morals, my complexities, he accepted me as a man.”

Levi sighed and took a sip of his tea next to him. Eren watched with weary eyes and looked at his every movement. He did not dare to speak. It was a rare moment that Captain Levi was vulnerable and he didn’t dare want to disturb that.

Levi remembered how hard this was for him. He was not a soft individual. This life, his life, was not for people who could be vulnerable, though he envied them. A big reason why he always thought so highly of Erwin was because of Erwin’s vulnerability with him, the same could be said about Eren as well.

“I loved, and still love, Erwin in a way that is more than platonic, and more than romantic. There is a lot of bullshit talk that you have to be one or the other or somewhere in between, but I’ve never liked playing in the box have I?”

Eren nodded in agreement, thinking back all the way to their first meeting when Levi beat him to a pulp in the main courtroom.

“Erwin saw me and I saw him. It is as simple and as complex as that.”

And it truly was. Levi thought back to all the times him and Erwin sat together around the fire having a cup of tea. Their conversations were never meaningless, never mindless small talk, it was always intellectual, deep, and powerful.

Levi took another sip of his tea as Eren let out the shaky breath he forgot he was holding.

“Do you regret it? Choosing Armin?”

Levi held the tea cup against his lips for a moment, staring intently at it. His eyes turned darker and he seemed to be in deep thought, when suddenly he set his tea cup down in almost a harsh manor and looked back at Eren.

“No. Not only do I think this life is too short for regrets, but I don’t regret my choice.”

“Why did you choose him?” Eren said suddenly. Immediately regretting it the moment the thought passed his lips.

“I did not choose him for you or Mikassa. I did not choose him due to his intelligence or what he could do to benefit the Survey Corps. I chose him for one reason and one reason only, Erwin deserved to rest. He spent his whole life taking care of other people, constantly battling in not only a physical war but a mental one too. He was exhausted, especially towards the end there. Him and I would sit late at night and I could see the dark bags making refuge under his eyes. He stopped eating breakfast, then lunch, then dinner, and eventually he only really ate if I brought his meals to him and forced us to eat together. He was incredibly strong, in a mental, physical, and emotional way. He understood people and the world in a sense that I don’t think anyone does, but that comes with a price. He suffered far too long and I thought it was about time he finally gets to retire.” Levi’s eyes sparkled as he finished speaking.

Levi still to this day has no regrets on his choice, no matter how much he misses Erwin, he knew he made the right call.

Eren cautiously thought of what to say next.

“Erwin was a hell of a commander, I know that just from the time I was in the Survey Corps with him. But as you spoke, many people can contest, even myself, that he was a hell of a human being as well.”

Levi looked down at his tea and took another deep breath. He relaxed his shoulders and placed a hand on the table as he got up and swiftly walked over to Eren. Eren braced a hand against the table as Levi made his way over to him, bracing himself for what Levi had to say.

Levi walked in front of Eren and stopped. He was around the same height as Eren while Eren was sitting. He lifted his hand up and caressed the side of Eren’s cheek. Eren’s face immediately flushed red.

Levi stood behind himself and Eren from a distance, smiling to himself as he see’s Eren’s blushing face, trying to ignore the ache in his chest.

“I loved him just as much as I love you, just in different ways. Love is not a finite source nor is it just romantic. There are many types of love and my love for him extended much farther than romance, and I think my love for you does too Eren.”

Eren ran his hand over the hand Levi had on his cheek. He caressed it ever so softly, so scared that this moment would cease to exist if he was too rough.

Eren reached out his other hand and caressed the nape of Levi’s neck delicately. He pushed him forward slightly so that their foreheads were touching. 

“I love you Levi, thank you for the vulnerability.”

Levi let out a small chuckle followed by a soft kiss on Eren’s forehead.

“I love you too you brat.”

Eren smirked and Levi continued to chuckle. Eren moved his forehead away from Levi’s so that he could connect his lips against Levi’s in a short, but ever so meaningful kiss.

The memory slowly faded as Levi awoke to a small light, and Hange standing over him.

“Levi, are you okay?”

Levi reached up and felt hot tears on his face and a wetness beside his pillow. He sat up from his bed looking over at Hange.

Levi took a deep breath and decided that maybe for this moment, it is okay to be vulnerable.

“Why do you think Eren decided to go?”

Hange sighed and motioned towards the bed, Levi hesitantly nodded granting permission for them to sit. Hange placed the candle light on Levi’s bedside table and patted the sheets below them.

“I always dreamed of a sleepover with you Levi!” They cooed. Levi groaned and rolled his eyes.

“In all seriousness though, I can’t say for sure, but I think he thought this was what had to be done to protect the ones he loves.”

Levi looked down at his cold hands. Hange placed a hand into his and they looked at him.

“Eren loved you, and he still does, and I think that love for not just you but all of us could make his decisions not always clear. Eren wears his heart on his sleeve, speaks what he means and thinks, and loves deeply and passionately.”

Levi caressed Hange’s hand with his thumb.

“I have always been jealous of Erwin, of him, of you, for being able to be so openly emotional.”

Hange chuckled and smirked at him.

“There is strength in vulnerability and softness Levi.”

Levi took a deep breath and nodded, thinking over what they said.

“You have always seemed to be a four eyed genius haven’t you?” Levi said smirking.

Hange let out a loud belly laugh and hugged Levi. Levi flinched and jokingly tried to push them away.

“You know it!”

As Hange let go of him, they went to grab the candle but Levi stopped them. He went and stood up and reached under his bed. Hange watched with sheer curiosity. Levi pulled out a sleeping bag and placed it next to his bed.

“I have this for when Eren used to sleep in here. He obviously didn’t start off sleeping in bed with me.”

Hange’s whole body almost was ready to explode, but before they could say anything Levi cut them off.

“Multiple conditions you must abide by. You can sleep in the bed but you must wash the sheets and scrub the mattress three times over, you can’t call this a sleepover, and most importantly, you can’t tell anyone I let you sleep in my bed.”

“Deal! Sir, yes sir” Hange said as they saluted Levi.

Levi smirked at them and laid down in the sleeping bag as Hange messed up all his covers and rolled themselves in them. Levi blew out the candle light and stared into the dark for a moment before he decided to slowly close his eyes.

“He’ll be back Levi, I know it.”

And Levi nodded in the dark before he fell asleep, dreaming of the day him and Eren reunite once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Before I get into anything, I want to make it clear Eren is of age in this story. He is aged up here because I, as an adult, find it incredibly uncomfortable to have minor Eren be with Levi when he is underage. His age has no affect on the story but I wanted to reiterate that he is at least 18 in this, so I know it does drive slightly away from cannon, but not too much!
> 
> Secondly, I wrote this late at night thinking about the different types of love someone can have for a person. I’ve felt a lot of different types of love for people and I tried to use a lot of my own experiences to better share my own opinions on love. 
> 
> Finally, I really hope you enjoyed this short oneshot! I really liked writing this, as I haven’t written fanfiction in quite a long time. I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors as this was NOT beta read since it was just a late night piece. Again, thank you so much for reading!


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